By Liv Larsson
This ebook can assist make disgrace, guilt and anger your allies rather than our enemies. they could turn into keys on your internal existence and for your goals. learning those emotions might help you higher meet your wishes for admire, popularity, belonging and freedom. What will be attainable for those who not had to cut down your self to prevent disgrace or guilt?
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Additional info for Anger, Guilt and Shame_ Reclaiming Power and Choice
Bantam Books. 3. Needs I refer sometimes to needs as the “common denominator” among human beings. Through them we can recognize ourselves in each other, which nurtures natural compassion. It increases our ability to understand what is behind someone’s actions. We all have the same basic needs, so we can recognize each other’s driving force, even though we sometimes would choose other ways to act ourselves. Needs can thus be described as driving forces that are universally human, they are shared by all people, regardless of gender, culture, age or religious or political background.
A contact-oriented request is based on questions about what the other person is feeling and needing. Asking about how someone feels could sound like this: -Would you like to tell me how you feel when you hear that I’m frustrated seeing your bike parked in front of the door? Checking if you made yourself clear second could sound like this: - I’m not sure I was clear about why parking the bike elsewhere is important to me, so I wonder if you would like to tell me what you heard me say? Guilt-inducing Communication Shame and guilt-inducing communication is a powerful weapon as it threatens people’s self-respect and their place in a group.
And each time, his explanations were even longer because he was even more ashamed. The situation worsened rather than being solved by them talking to him. This is a typical result when we are trying to motivate someone to change their behavior by shame or blame. When we say something and other people hear it as criticism, they have not heard what our needs are. If we want to see something change permanently, shame or guilt is the last things we want people to experience. When people feel guilt or shame, the change will usually not come from them connecting to an internal motivation and therefore will seldom last.
Anger, Guilt and Shame_ Reclaiming Power and Choice by Liv Larsson